amateur poet | mediocre writer | devoted to pretty words | anxiety queen

How dare you whisper my name like a
s
in and love my body like it isn’t
t
he temple I survived in.

As if I wasn’t thrashed from place to
place and didn’t lose balance
e
ach time.

As if my parents weren’t playing
t
ug o’ war with a carcass;
a game o
f who really
wanted me more.

Like there aren’t scars leading up
to the moment when both
their hands slipped and let go.

My body, my name;
u
ttered and used for a battle.
Neither knowing who will come
out victorious in the end.

And mom I know this was for
the best, b
ut why did you
have to yank s
o hard?

Pulling ligaments and tendons out
o
f their rightful place,
l
ike a flower plucked from the
earth.

You didn’t have to tug at each part
o
f me to get me to come.

And we both know he never was a
father anyway.
More like a contribution of seed,
that only you could put the time
and
 care into.

That only you, could be bestowed as
the rightful owner of three
kids without help.
All you needed was the seed to
get you started.

And I don’t blame you for the tugging
and pulling and
grasping at what was made
because of you.
What was left because of you.

But don’t you understand?
This body is mine.
My name is mine.
It was crowned to me at
b
irth.

And I don’t need someone
who doesn’t understand,
the embedding’s in my skin.
The carving around my heart,
the holes in each cavity,
the things that only I can see.

I don’t need my name whispered
like a sin, because it was
given to me, a
nd it should
be spoken
like it’s the answer to world
peace.

Mom, your name
should have been spoken
like it was the answer to world peace.

And I’m not going to let
a lover, a husband, a boyfriend,
a friend, n
ot anyone, speak my
name like a s
in and
love my body like I didn’t
survive.

And no child of mine is going
t
o be a game of
w
ho loves you more and who
can pull the hardest.

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